Next Chapter; Page 1~ In Search Of; Subtitle: To Get Angry or Take Action, that is the question every single day.
I’m Starting the next chapter of my journey, which I have decided to title “In Search Of” This one will require a Subtitle: To Be Angry or to Take Action that is my question every single day?
When your world has been turned upside down and you find yourself in an unknown place, a place that you had not planned, a place that is now in a season of life that requires more energy than you had expected to use or to even need, a place that is an unfamiliar path to walk and yet it is still ahead of me, while you continue forward on this path, you are very aware of the loss in your life. You experience daily the things that have been damaged and destroyed and you look around and most things are unfulfilling, so you draw on your Faith, you draw on your past experiences of being in a low place, in valley places, those places that challenges your heart, your hope, but yet you remember that by God’s Grace you crawled through those tight spaces before and it is that remembrance that allows you to continue forward, it is those thoughts that allow you to walk forward even while it feels like your crawling, even while it feels like you are carrying a weight on your back, it is that remembrance that allows you to know you can get through this day, this moment and this season and that there will be, there will be brighter days.
Holidays are tough seasons because while you celebrate the Joy of what Holidays mean, time with family, time spent with dear close friends, you live with scars and you battle the thoughts that try daily to rob your joy. You live with tears in midst of the celebrations, you wonder where this road that you now walk is leading you, You know what you Hope for, you know what you want for those you love but you wonder, as tears roll down your face, what the road looks like for the remainder of your journey, for me blueprints have been thrown away a very long time ago.
Throwing blueprints away started, when I lost a friend who was like a sister and she died of Breast Cancer and we together believed that her story would not end that way, she left behind a husband and 5 children, it was a hard day and from there I decided I will no longer have a blueprint. I would simply seek my Creator and continue my way forward. I would live Gratefully and continue my way being a Joy, bringing positive energy wherever I found my stay and when I didn’t feel joyful, I would verbally express that, making sure that those who surrounded me would not wonder, if it is something they said or something they did, it would be known that I was in a state of finding my way and I just needed space and time to do that and that it had nothing to do with those who surrounded me in those moments.
My dear friend, a sister, died on the same date as my husband, September 7th, not the same year but I didn’t even recognize it, or even had thoughts about it until my Aunt Shared that information with our family. Same date, Sept. 7th?!
Next Chapter; Page 1- In Search Of. . Subtitle: To Be Angry or to Take Action that is my question every single day?
I Ask often; What Now? What is the Purpose? What Can I do now? I watch, I watch and observe constantly the ones who I am responsible for, in my case, they are my Why, My Why is my Sons, I’m always watching, praying, hoping that they will be continually whole, mentally, physically and spiritually for there life’s journey. I battle the question To Be Angry or to Take Action, every single day?
It’s one thing when you lived a number of years like me, you’ve experienced lost, you have experienced challenges and hard places but there is no pain at least for me that is comparable, when you watch and you pray and you hope for your children that their lives will be okay, all from a moment that robbed their innocence in such a horrific way and at an early age, a moment that disrupted our life, our home, that type of tragedy is meant to destroy healthy, youthful lives. You watch because you know a moment like this alters your life, that it is so significant because it represented for my sons; a Father, a Dad, a Man who could speak truth into their life, who was invested in there life, who had the best intentions by his words, by his actions for there life and could share the continued wisdom of generations past. I Thank God and I’m very Grateful, that He was a coach Dad and I’m grateful that he had many days of time with his sons, he invested time and many stories but as with the loss of anyone, it’s never the right time for them to leave and especially when it was at the hands of such a violent and unnecessary act.
So I watch and I know it’s by God’s Grace, I can carry forward and I know based on my Faith, while it’s a very uncomfortable season, I will find my way, I will find the way that is meant for my journey and in the midst of that I will do what I can, I will share to Embrace the day, to Choose to be Grateful, to choose love and laughter, to choose to spend time, that priceless commodity called time and encouraging others to do the same.
Next Chapter; Page 1- In Search Of. . Subtitle: To Be Angry or to Take Action that is my question every single day?
You learn something new every day; a reporter reached out to me and stated he had an article that he had written and he felt that my husband’s life could have been prevented because of the information that he had. This 17-year-old predator, Tremayne Alexander, I knew from the court proceedings that he had history and had even spent time in the juvenile system for Craigslist Crimes but now I’ve learned that he was suspect in the killing of another man on April 24, 2015, in fact he was 16 years old at the time. The police had identified Tremayne Alexander, as the killer and submitted a warrant review request to the Wayne County Prosecutor's Office on April 12, 2016, nearly five months before Alexander went on to kill, my husband, Todd Terry. 5 months before the killing of my husband, 5 months before, he could have been arrested by a warrant being issued, yet in the midst of files and paperwork he remained on the streets.
I’ve included the link to the article because it goes deeper than that, while many are feeling sentiment regarding my event, which is appreciated, there are still numerous zombies, murderers, predators walking the streets, read the article for yourself.
It runs much deeper, regarding who is walking the streets, present day.
Article written by the reporter that reached out to me; Gus Burns from MLive.com
This predator, Tremayne Alexander, should not have even been on the street, he had a history. Did I mention, he tried to murder someone 2 days before my husband. 2 Days before. Listen, it is beyond frustrating because there are always so many hands involved, always so many systems in play. I’m sure his trouble was seen long before, a juvenile court was involved but now being in that system, starting with the Juvenile system, what is the program? What is the rehabilitation? What are the markers to determine, if he is ready to be released or needs additional help? This predator had a history, so it’s no surprise there was more information. Hurtful, very hurtful, a band-aid now ripped off of an open wound, but again no surprise that there was more and that will be brought to light, that is now added to my agenda. Consider, this is just what we do know present day, I'm sure there is so much more that we don't including more victims than we will ever know about.
To Be Angry or to Take Action that is my question every single day?
My answer; To live in anger doesn’t change my day, it doesn’t bring Todd back into our lives, it doesn’t help in the things that need to happen in a course of every day, it doesn’t help in planning and supporting the future for my sons, it doesn’t help my household and the needs as a single parent now that I have every day. So Angry does not help me. My faith teaches me to not to live in that way and that doesn't mean to be passive.
I believe the reason, is when you live angrily, offended, you are the one left alone battling the thoughts, harboring the anger and 90% of the time the offender gives no thought your way, my way, they, he or she could care less, but Yet You or I, are angry, I just don’t see it and Angry for me means to Fight Back in my Own Way. It means Change, it means to turn over every rock, to call on every Eagle, it means Heart Change. It means to bring light to the injustice that is living and breeding around us.
How can one voice change anything?
Consider a match, it is one flame, yet it can set a whole forest on fire.
Fighting back includes many sides for me; encouraging, inspiring, letting others know who are in pain right now, that they are not alone and they will make it through and out of that dark room. That dark room, which is a real place and it’s designed to smother your life, to kill you and death is not always a physical death, you can live emotionally and mentally dead, a life can be wasted. So Angry helps no one, and for sure Does Not Help Me.
How can one voice change anything?
Consider, a match, has one flame,
Yet, it can start a fire that can
burn down an entire forest.
Another side in fighting back, is bringing light to this system of rehabilitation? Bringing light to a system that is allowing Monsters, Zombies to walk the street because there is a number of cases, to many cases, not enough staff or money and that can be overwhelming for a system?!. Overwhelming for who, those who live and walk around with KNOWN PREDATORS, PREDATORS WALKING AROUND WHO HAVE A HISTORY?!
Our system is broken and a village of zombies are rising, zombies have no heart, they have no empathy, you can’t reason with someone who has no soul.
I’m going to work and I don’t know all of the pieces, but I have a voice and that is where I’m starting in this Chapter, including working on many fronts.
I will speak it, share it, wear it, mail it, anyway and every way to make it known. That is why I have an Eagle Call, I’m calling Eagles to join in this work, not to just do work but doing what they can do; because Eagles don’t ask me what can I do for you. Eagles know What they can do and then they Just Simply Do it! And They do it in many ways, in some cases without my knowledge, in some cases they come to me with what they are doing or what they have done, the bottom line, Eagles Do and it just gets done.
Next Chapter; Page 1- In Search Of. .
Subtitle: To Be Angry or to Take Action that is my question every single day?
My intent was and is Making Gratitude Contagious, since day one of HBBA aka Helping Build Bridges Across, which started online, as a community, as a place to just share. I started Online in 2014 and for me, it was finding My Sandbox, it was simply a joyful place to be and to share. Encouraging others has always been fulfilling for me because in those spaces it always returns back my way and encourages and inspires me.
Fighting back now means Intensifying #MakingGratitudeContagious, to beam lights of Gratitude in every dark hole, dark space, and dark room, to spread Gratitude, to operate with love. To take actions that represent that, which is the why everything that is offered here and is in that vain.
#MakingGratitudeContagious is an Eagle Call, it is a movement and it is imperative because operation love needs to be sewn back, into the fabric of our country, how we interact with each other, with our neighbors, we have to know that we can’t continue to live a separate life with walls and allowing calluses to grow on our heart because this is the breeding ground that is what allows babies to become predators, monsters in our society. We can’t live our life, just looking the other way. I know everyone does not have the same call on their heart but this is my cause and while I would love your collaboration, "My Ask" is I just need you to do what you can, where you can. The ask is all around this website, in and with anything that is offered here. Please know, even sharing with others is doing a part.
We can no longer live, as if it is someone else's problem, because the epidemic of empty souls, predators, isolated children, bullied children, foster children, empty vessels, empty souls, they don't just live on a certain street, or in a certain neighborhood. There is a silent anger, a village of those who grow up without empathy, without concern or regard for others because know one cared about them as children, know one heard their cry for help and that as a whole for our society is a very serious problem.
Empty vessels express anger in shooting up synagogues, churches, schools, malls. empty vessels?!, Babies, children are not born as a predator or a monster, or racist, or with anger, or without empathy, that is learned behavior, that is nurtured behavior and that is emotional problems that continue to grow. In many cases, the behavior is ignored. There is no rehabilitation system, it is an antiquated, out of date process, providing income and careers to individuals who are burned out, sleepwalking, which is a band-aid for our society, an open wound that is continually bleeding. In fact, it is HEMORRHAGING
To be Angry or Take Action that is the question every single day?
#MakingGratitudeContagious which is the intent
Gratitude is being able to see what You do have and not focused on what you don’t, to be a part of any change you want to see, to be a part of servicing others, making a difference in the lives of others and for me, it’s not measured by how big that looks, it is measured by the seeds of encouragement in the words THAT we speak, in the actions THAT we take every single day, with every encounter that we come across.
My intent was and is and now will be Magnified is #MakingGratitudeContagoius.
I want those whose lives have been turned upside down, who have had things kicked around and destroyed, those are experiencing the unexpected loss to know they are not alone in there pain. Pain and Loss effects many facets of our lives.
For those in pain, please know that you are not alone and you can crawl out
of your dark room.
Next Chapter; Page 1- In Search Of. . Subtitle:
To Be Angry or to Take Action that is my question?
When we choose to share our story, our pain, it allows for others to know that we have more in common than we realize and together we can encourage, inspire each other and not allow the damage, the storm to destroy our families, our community and generations to follow.
Stories are Treasures that are priceless for me and I return and visit often to the numerous books, where I’ve written in my journal, writing, speaking, sharing with others is very addictive for me, such a great treasure. I believe it is because it allows me to breathe, it is what the creator planted inside of me and when I exhale, it is my way of giving, my way of sharing the stories, the joys and tears and in return many lives, many stories, shares visit right back to me, to encourage and inspire me. The remainder of my journey, my days, is no longer about me, it is about what I can do with all that has happened to me and more importantly to do the work, to work and to tend to God's Garden, Life’s Garden, pulling weeds by doing what I can, my part, with organizations that are doing the work already and to plant flowers along my way, so that my, so that our, Todd Terry's sons, will know that Flowers can and continue to grow out of ashes.
Helping Build Bridges Across is a community, a space to share, to encourage, a space to allow someone to consider a perspective that can be freeing to there journey.
I have numerous journals and notebooks filled with endless pages of writings. thoughts, reflection, lessons learned, tears, laughter, unexpected blessings and challenges along my journey.
The beauty is that I can return and review what I’ve written, what I've shared, it allows me to see God’s Hand, His movement, I see my footprints, I find some of the answers to my Why. I can see how things have unfolded from pieces of my puzzle, from moments documented, not just for me but many times also in the lives of those that surround me.
Things, moments, conversations that in a moment seem like just a moment to consider, or minutes spent in a space, then become pieces that fit into a puzzle along my journey. Those words, those shares, provide clues that life is so much more than just a chance, or just happened to. Which I’ve always believed but now these journals point clearly to.
#MakingGratitudeContagious which is so important to me because I have lived through so many now, family and dear friends who have transitioned from this life before me. I’m grateful that i received years ago, what operation love looks like, what it means to bring laughter to a room, to share a smile or a conversation, to say I love you. When you embrace the moments with providing positive energy, words, and actions that are an asset, you are then planting seeds that harvest and grow into the lives of others and return to encourage you.
I have learned when I’m not happy, angry, irritated or frustrated; to say, I’m not in a good space today and it’s not you, but I need space to work it out and I have learned that it is okay to speak your truth. Even in those bad spaces, it is that lesson learned that allowed a space, my household to be one without regrets. When my husband was murdered, it was a Tsunami and it took some time to catch my breath, it was my Creator, it was God who walked me through that space, by His Grace. I want to share this lesson that was learned years ago because it allowed me to set the tone for my home, to operate in a space having no regrets PRESENT DAY, I miss my best friend, my partner in life who was committed to running the race with me, most importantly invested in our sons to be the best they could be. Our home operated in this way; we didn’t have all the answers and we had days that weren’t great, but we learn to give each other space, we learned to verbalize when things were not okay and that it was not about the other person.
This lesson was learned to share peace and when I didn’t feel so peaceful or the same on his end we learned what separate corners looked like, to allow the other to have space to regain there balance and we learned to not take our frustration out on one another. It was always a choice, it took time but I want to share that almost 20 years of lessons with you, crib notes some would say to run with.
This lesson that I learned, is what will rob the thief named regret. When you operate in Anger, you say things you don’t mean, you do things that you shouldn’t do and for some life allows a space to return to a person to say I”m sorry, but for some that chance will be taken away, because that moment didn't happen and they have past away, and in that sad place, death leaves lives the sting, the odor of Regret, leaves behind weighted thoughts that are battled for a lifetime. Don't allow that to be you or your situation. Make peace doesn't mean you have to share space with someone that brings out the worst in you, but it does mean that you are not harboring anger, or resentment from a moment, it is Peace within and that is priceless.
Next Chapter; Page 1- In Search Of. .
Subtitle: To Be Angry or to Take Action that is my question?
I believe when you live understanding that life offers choices and when you learn to pause, to be silent until you figure out the response and or if one is even needed, you create the space, the garden, that eliminates confusion, or needing to say I’m sorry, or only If I had said that or done that. Lessons, It comes with time, it comes with the understanding that while your present moment may be peaceful and all things seem to fall into place, life is filled with Hills and Valleys and moments in life that will change a sunny day, I promise you not if but when and it will unfortunately change the pace, change your view, change your perspective and life will change the way you know it present day.
No one promised us that tomorrow will look the same as today. No one promised us.
I’ve made the choice to Live in My Truth and that comes with places where I fall short and places where I’m in pursuit but the greatest space in the midst of it all, is my peace,
I understand that everyone will not share this space, everyone will not share my perspective, and my thoughts. The beautiful part is that is the piece of what makes us unique. That really is okay, that really is beautiful. We can hear each other respectfully and continue our journey in our own way.
I will continue to share that No One promised us that tomorrow will look the same as our today because I experienced the unexpected and a moment outside the plan,
life change without notice is indescribable and now makes me certified to Speak.
This type of moment makes me qualified, to say to YOU Stop it, stop it, when you are throwing tantrums and making all OF THOSE who surround your life miserable, while in the moment the attention seems great, or drama is exhilarating, or maybe your high is that it puts a spotlight on you, consider if you decide to ride this wave and storm out the door or maybe they do and then you never have the option to see that person again in this lifetime, what will be your response then? How many tears will you cry? Or regrets will you live with for the rest of your life? How Many?!
Always a Choice
I hope you see that a moment in time, can decide your lifetime, it can decide your peace within, please don’t allow those who surround your life to ever wonder, how you feel, if you have good things to Say SPEAK THEM OUT. Don’t leave moments filled with Love thoughts, become words unspoken.
We have to be careful who we sell our soul to when we are operating in building what we think is great, the blocks will be kicked down and then you will have to answer the question, is what I’m building on a secure ground.
What is my why? What is my journey? What is my boundaries and how far am I willing to compromise my life and for what purpose?
We sell so much of ourselves caring about what others think or what they might say but it is those very people that if your chapter, your life ended today, where would those very people be? Would they even come to honor your day of transitioning, would your name among “they” or "them" even be spoken?
I recognize, it is your life to live not just today and you decide to write every new page. I offer to embrace the process, the shift that God is moving your life to, Trust God and embrace it and know your truth. Know your boundaries. Know that you, I don't have all the answers but we have to Know, We Have to Decide, What are we willing to Die On?!
The real question, are we willing to live on what we are prepared to die on?!
This is shared because I'm led to and because there are in seasons in life when we think we have it all figured out (my hand is up first) and the truth is. prayerfully not, if the carpet is pulled out from under you, you will learn quickly just how much you know, just how much you have things figured out. I'm not sharing concepts, I'm sharing my truth,
My husband, my friend was snatched from our lives and while our hearts are tattooed forever, living now with scars for a lifetime, it is not just about me, but my sons and all of our family, Todd Terry was connected to many lives beyond me, our home YES, but it was a ripple effect, my Parents, my Brother, my Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, dear Friends, his family; his Sister and her Family, our Nieces, Nephews, his brothers, childhood friends, the point Please allow our moment that shifted our lives to be a calling card to your heart, while it seems you have it all figured out (which I say from experience), what is comfortable, what is familiar can change in an instant, so less Drama is Always More.
Please Pause before you speak, consider your actions and allow love to be Your Story!
To be Your Legacy.
Next Chapter; Page 1- In Search Of. .
My Subtitle: To Be Angry or to Take Action that is my question every single day?
There is an Eagle Call.
Thank you for traveling this unfamiliar path alongside me
It is appreciated and please know that I’m Grateful.